i’m almost 25 now

i don’t really care about or think about my age often but time to time it comes up

i feel much older than i am, maybe i am, maybe i’m delusional

maybe the sum of my experiences didn’t add up in the best way possible yet,

here i am

and honestly, if there isn’t obstacles is it even the right way?

it’s a weird time to be alive.

i’m drunk…

often i feel that i shouldn’t write as much as i do on here or be as transparent with my thoughts and self as I am but that’s exactly the point of this and I pay the bill for this site/space for me to write and do whatever the fuck i feel like doing

literally, the tab/page is called translucent and that in itself isn’t fully transparent but i’m trying to lean more on the side of not hiding or being scared of writing out my thoughts and feelings and being okay with the fact of not knowing who does or doesn’t read this plus there is a tab for the worst of what I write, well.. worst from my perspective i guess for those who care or can do the mental work to figure out the password.

i did make it easy.

i think a lot these days about the beginning of my apprenticeship and an artist, kesos, i met at geo’s shop when he was guest-spotting in town

one day i drove him around town to go shopping and we had some good candid conversation that still sticks with me today

specifically when i asked him how long it took to reach a point where he was busy without worry and self sustainable

he answered me, five years, more time than i wanted to hear though in hindsight not much time at all

i’m happy i reached that point before then but often being asked how long i’ve been tattooing and being almost 5 1/2 years into it i’ve really come to appreciate that conversation and happy that i’m where i am with tattooing and still trying to get better with each and every tattoo i do, i’m not as good as i strive to be, who knows if i ever will be but i keep working towards and feeling more and more like i’m getting closer and on that trajectory to be someone who helps push the boundaries of what tattooing is and can be.

big dream, i know but not my only one, just one of the more important ones.

five years later, i don’t need to post to be busy like i used to when i first started

that is a true blessing and i’m well aware and grateful

thank you Gabriel Benavides for teaching me to tattoo, for metaphorically teaching me how to fish for myself rather than depend on other for my fish. poor example since i’m vegan but a staple example nonetheless.

five years later and I don’t post as often because i need to clear my plate before i load more on it so that i can give everyone who wants to work with me my full attention and effort as they deserve. I want to post more but then it leads to an overwhelming amount of inquiries at times and i’m just one person who’s not the best communicator, though i do my best for my job because it does require it of me

i don’t want to sound like i’m complaining, i’m not

every life has it’s stresses, this is the stress i choose and am grateful for

i just want to do more,

i’m going to do more

i don’t know what it is exactly yet that i will do, but i will contribute towards the advancement of this society

i will help move others and more into further progression

i have so many ideas

i’m going to bring them all to fruition

this all means so much more to me than i can convey into words on a screen

my train of thought runs at 300 miles an hour

thinking this fast, is it weakness or power?

train derailed though, i ain’t no coward

face my bad thoughts and i’m cleansed like a shower

i know better days are ahead, i focus on visualizing the flowers