I can remember fifth grade when teachers would ask what you want to be when you’re older, I repeatedly put ‘respected’ as my answer. That’s an odd answer to hear from a nine year old (I was always one of the younger kids in my grade) that would be easily dismissed and shrugged off at the time and honestly didn’t make enough sense to me to properly defend at the time. I barely have begun to realize why that’s was so important to me at an early age and still is at 24. I recall other times around high-school when I was asked this again in both classes and from a female and my answer remained the same yet, I still was unable to properly explain why that was my answer. That’s not the case no more. I get why it’s so important to me.
I grew up like most kids do; going with my parents where ever whenever they had errands to do or we went out to eat as a family. It felt like every time we went to go do things I experienced/witnessed people quickly switch up how they would talk and treat my parents and I because of their struggle to speak english fluently and be able to communicate with people for the things we needed. From an early age I saw peoples facial expressions, sly remarks and condescending passive actions to both my parents and I just because of a language barrier and difference in appearance. This has bothered me deeply for years in a way that I didn’t understand up until a few weeks ago. I have an obsession with earning and being treated with respect by others because I began feeling disrespected from an early age yet, I won’t follow that golden rule bullshit because that really only applies in a “perfect” world. I witnessed my parents put our family in a better place through my upbringing moving from third ward to tallowwood, to a predominantly white neighborhood and own their home within five years. Within the first year of us moving to that last neighborhood I remember walking home from the bus stop and hearing a white lady who lived down the street from us yell at me “tell your wetback parents to go back where they came from” that shit has never left my mind, I can still hear her pitch and hear her voice crack as she screamed it at me driving past me.
I hope this obsession and need for respect works out rather than shooting me in my foot.