over half way through 24 and i’m barely beginning to take grand strides towards goals and material possessions i told myself I would achieve and acquire since I was 16.

wild.

granted i told myself i would achieve these things earlier on in life, the fact that i am doing it now means so much more to me. there’s few things that make me feel better than following up on my word. i’ve gone through many up’s and downs of hating myself/my life and the fact that I had to be alive to live through it.

i’ve attempted suicide, spun that cylinder and pulled a trigger in my mouth three times, no bullet went through the top of my skull for a reason and that becomes clearer and clearer every october.

it’s crazy, talking to my dad these days and he still saying the same thing from elementary school “porque no puedo tener un hijo normal?”

i finally hit him with the best response yesterday without missing a beat; “jeez pa, it must really suck to have a son who is unapologetically himself and succeeding.”

i saw it struck him, finally.

i understand he never imagined having his son who looks the most like him be such a different version of himself yet here i am.

i know I make him proud though despite my reckless nature and all the trouble/obstacles i’ve put myself/us through.

yet my determination, discipline and demeanor he respects. i know he’s proud to have his youngest son be completely self-sufficient, debt free, perfect credit and with nearly as much money to his name as him.

i’m no longer a liability, i’m a fucking asset.

when was the last time i asked for some help i couldn’t get from anyone else?

i mean what did he expect?

kings make kings

and kings never really die